Heart to Heart

"Good grief", was an exclamation that originated with Charlie Brown, but it was commonly said by his peers. It was used  an expression of exasperation or disappointment. Sometimes it was in response to something frivolous. Other times, it was uttered regarding a serious matter. Knowing when and how to say something, is a virtue learned through experience.

I don't always get it right. However, the following is an example of how the Holy Spirit helped me to relieve a friend's exasperation and gently point her back to  The Comforter.

The other day, I was visiting with a dear friend who had recently lost both of her parents. She shared with me about how the grief came in various forms, at odd times, and with or without any particular prompt. I did what I have learned to be one of the best things for helping someone who is grieving; I listened.

She talked about how people offer sympathy in ways that pale in comparison to someone who offers true empathy. She said that she could always tell who had lost someone dear to them versus someone who had not dealt with death, up close and personal. My friend went on to talk about the uselessness of cliche's; how in general, people mean well, but offer no more than a band aid for a broken leg. I nodded in agreement.

Then, "what's worse", she added; "is when someone tells me that I should be getting over it. When they say something like, 'you have to get on with your life' or 'you have to think about your children'. That stuff really makes me mad." Again, I nodded; figured I would let her pour it all out, before offering my two cents worth.

When my turn rolled around, I looked her and said, "yep, that's about right". And she began again. She was grieving and somebody had hurt her feelings. I listened. My mind was filled with all sorts of comments. But my heart told me to be quiet. Once her venting was complete,our conversation flowed freely.

Fast forward to the close of our visit. We hugged and said, "love you" to one another. She added, "I feel so much better. Thank you". We parted, each, enriched from our fellowship. 

We are Christians, she and I. We believe in the power of prayer. We know the scriptures. We walk by faith and not by sight. Yet, her relief did not come from an open display of any of those things. It came from the simple trust that we share as sisters in the Lord. The confidence that I would give her space to share her heart and her hurts, and that I would understand.  

Empathy is not about the sound of your voice or content of your replies. It is the listening to the heart's cry of another, that coveys understanding. Never underestimate the power of bearing one another's burdens. It is one of the most rewarding ways of fulfilling Christ's law of love. 

This time, it was I, who did the consoling. Next time, it may be me, standing in the need of prayer. I'm thankful for the friends/sisters that the Lord has given me. If it has been a while since you told your loved ones that you love them; today would be a good day to do it.