The Third Christmas Came with Grace

The grace of God will infuse you with joy despite your apathetic feelings about life. The grace of God will give you perseverance as you deal with chronic health issues. The grace of God will sustain you when you feel completely and utterly hopeless. The grace of God will provide everything that you need whenever you are lacking. The grace of God will usher in your greatest comfort in times of loss and sorrows.  The grace of God will pour in strength into you when you feel completely helpless.  The grace of God will help you to fulfill your calling even in the midst of your trials.

I'm talking about the same grace that saved you from a life doomed to hell. God is able to make us sufficient in all things by the power of His grace. II Cor 9:8

If you have followed this blog or read my post "Not this Christmas" you will have a bit of insight as to why the holiday seasons are still a bit rough for me. And this post is not meant to be a "woe is me" post. It is meant to give you a glimpse into how God's grace continues to enable me to do the things that are necessary in life. And how His grace has again helped me to find the pleasure in family gatherings. It is to share how I avoided naming this post "Not This Year, Either".

We all have our share of difficulties, trials, temptations and the like. These things came with the sin of Eve and Adam. They are an inevitable part of life. The events themselves leave wounds and when healed, scars. As with scars upon one's skin, careful attention and time will fade their appearance. So, that's really what this post is about; how this third Christmas without my little sister, came to be a joyous occasion.

The Thanksgiving holiday came and went with very little notice. I had to work. Sister wasn't much on hosting. The nephew #1 had alternate plans with his wife and in-laws. And nephew #2 was unavailable to attend. So, we each texted the others with the obligatory "Happy Thanksgiving" message. Without a Thanksgiving gathering, we would have to set aside another time to discuss Christmas plans. 

Two weeks into December and we still had not decided on date, time, nor menu. Then three days before Christmas, we hatched a plan to gather together. Each brought goodies to eat and presents to exchange. While I hoped that we would do more than just go through the motions, I didn't expect the grace that came after the meal.

Number 1 nephew & his wife had chosen a gift for my sister, that essentially became a fun family project for all of us. It was a gingerbread house kit. We divided the contents and started on the houses. No one took time to look at the instructions. What ensued was sheer chaos.... and lots of laughter. Three different houses being built according to three different processes. One started with the walls. Another started with the decorations. And my husband just let me make a great big mess of ours. Each person tried to give advice to the others on how to make it work.

Sticky icing on everything. Decorative pieces stuck everywhere except where they should have been placed. Each house as it was raised, but then promptly came tumbling down. I finally took all of our pieces and sandwiched them together with the icing. Then, proudly proclaimed "done. It is a condo for the ants". The reaction from the galley included all sorts of comments, but mostly laughter.

We seemed to savor the moments like enjoying a bite of granny's chocolate pie. There was even a few seconds of silence here and there. Then we all pitched in and cleaned up the mess, tidied the kitchen, and prepared to go home. 

Hugs all around and a lot of "I love you" was said. Goodies in hand, we each went to our own homes. Days later, we were still talking about those gingerbread concoctions and the laughter that lightened our hearts.

Truly God's grace is the perfect addition to every occasion.

Old Wounds: New Opportunities

Three years have passed. Like the grass that now covers her grave, time has closed the rift that spanned my countenance. Like the headstone that marks her location, the scars of her absence mark my soul. Yet inside, the healing process continues. 

"This house of flesh is but a prison. Bars of bone are holding my soul. But the doors of clay are gonna burst wide open, when the angels set my spirit free." These words written by Dottie Rambo. You can find the story behind the song, here.

As Lazarus was brought from the tomb, so my shroud covered hopes have emerged. And as the mourners were instrumental in removing his grave clothes, so KK's closest relatives and friends have hastened my unveiling. Even people who knew her not, have provoked the revelation of the depths of my grief.

Mourners from near and far gathered for her wake and funeral. Many were relatives and folks with long-time connections to our family. Some were the parents of the children that she had rocked gently in their days at the center where she had worked. Others were those children, now grown themselves, paying respect to a lady they called "KK". Oh the stories that were shared, their memories that now have become a part of mine. Seeds of healing planted in days just prior to her burial.

Sympathy cards, letters, texts, & phone calls followed. Each with a little bit of balm to apply to my grieving heart. Some simply stated, "you are in my prayers". Others contained scriptures and words of encouragement. Their sentiments soothed me; temporarily. I was grateful but longed for the embrace of someone who had experienced an identical loss. Yet it was difficult for me to share that need with my remaining sister. We spent time with one another, but neither of us could muster a conversation about how deeply we were hurting.

For months after her death, I struggled to keep myself together. I just had too many folks depending on me. The first holidays without her were particularly pressing. I felt that I had to put on my happy face and carry on the family traditions as if the family were fully intact. Doing these things mostly for my nephew, I failed to realize it would take much more than traditions to restore our downtrodden souls.

My patients suffered as well. I found great difficulty in procedures that were previously seamless. Every time an infusion pump would alarm, I would temporarily freeze. When a vital sign limit was breached and the familiar sounds of alert would blare, I would get flushed and light-headed. I would feel faint and need to stop what I was doing and leave the room. My co-workers labeled my behavior as "panic attacks". I refused to believe that it was anxiety, choosing rather to think it was metabolic in some way.

A full physical exam revealed no such problem. My physician prescribed a mild anti-depressive drug. I despise taking medicine and loathed the idea of being on a "happy pill". But I decided I would give it an honest trial. And while I was going to "get happy" anyway, I agreed with my hubby that a vacation could be the best remedy of all. 

To shorten the story, I will tell you this; ten days away from all of my regular stressors, some happy pills, lots of devotional time, and prayer made all the difference. I continued the meds for 3 months, then quietly weaned myself from them. Six months post check-up with the doc, and she agreed with my course of action.

And then the ministry opportunities came from all sorts of places. For a span of 16 months, I was the regularly scheduled Wednesday Bible Study teacher.  Doors opened to minister to fellow employees who were struggling loss, pain, & grief. And through an unsuspected course of events, a letter writing ministry was born. Letters of biblical instruction and encouragement, written to the incarcerated.

The open doors and the grace needed to pass through them, became the Balm of Gilead to my grief-stricken soul. I am truly a living witness of how the all sufficient ONE will supply all the grace needed to heal, restore, revive, and re-direct the life of one of His own. 

Blessed in Spite of the Bonds

The majority of the New Testament was written by the incarcerated Apostle Paul. His letter to the Church of Philippi was sent from Rome, the place to which he requested to be heard by the authorities. His request and its satisfaction fulfilled the prophecy that he would in fact preach the Gospel in Rome. 

He begins the letter to the Philippians with his tender thoughts concerning the relationship that he has with them. Paul expresses his thankfulness for them as co-laborers in the Gospel. Then he encourages them of the continuing work of the Lord in and among them. And he makes it clear that they should not mourn his imprisonment, because it is working for the propagation of the Gospel.

Essentially, he was surrounded by an audience of prisoners, soldiers, and political powers. All of which had little time to attend religious meetings outside of the palace porches and prison halls. Paul was preaching to a "captive audience". Even in casual conversation, I'm sure the subject matter was directly or indirectly related to the Gospel. No doubt he shared the story of his conversion on the Damascus Road.

When the Apostle Paul was given the floor before King Agrippa, he recounted his experience on the Damascus Road. In the King James Version, Acts 26:28 King Agrippa said to Paul, "almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian". The New Living Translation renders the verse thusly: "then Agrippa said to Paul, do you think that in such a short time you can persuade me to be a Christian". Regardless of the translation, the verse reveals the Paul's intent to "reach the lost" for Jesus.

I find so much encouragement in the scriptures. While I am not in a jail cell or under house arrest, I am "bound" with various physical ailments. At times, I feel that I am completely helpless to carry out the calling that the Lord has placed on my life. There are times when I am in a state of fatigue so severe, I'm at the point of collapse. At other times, I am gripped with pain to the point of incapacitation. Then as the symptoms increase or compound upon one another, my mind will begin to weaken and fixate on the "what ifs". And if I'm not careful, I will begin to question God and my relationship with Him. 

BUT GOD, in His mercy brings His Word to my mind. He comes along side me and lifts my spirit out of the bonds of my feeble mind. The Holy Spirit empowers me to press on and to continue to share the Gospel to any/all who will listen.

Back to the Apostle Paul and another passage that brings so much encouragement to me. Remember the verses concerning "the thorn in his flesh".  While there are varying opinions as to what that thorn or messenger was, it is clear that its purpose was to help Paul remain humble. In verse 9, Paul refers to weakness and infirmities and how he is willing to endure them as a conduit of the light of God's glory. That willingness came because of the Lord's answer to his prayers. God did not remove the thorn, but He replied with a declaration of His faithfulness to strengthen Paul with His grace.

Again, in his second letter to the Corinthians, chapter 4 verses 14 - 18, Paul speaks of how our sufferings pave the way for the revelation of God's glory. He even calls our afflictions "light and momentary". Really puts our maladies into proper perspective.

Jesus came to set the captives free! I BELIEVE IN DIVINE HEALING. I believe He can do more than I could ever imagine. And I BELIEVE IN HIS ALL SUFFICIENT GRACE!!  So what if my flesh is bound? MY SPIRIT IS FREE! My spirit is free to believe and receive God's mercy and grace and help in my time of need. .

Dear Reader, regardless of your condition, look to Jesus. The supply of His grace is endless, His mercy endures forever, and He is faithful to answer your prayers.

Prayer & Medicine

Romans 8:28 assures us that whatever a saint experiences, it will work for their good. The Apostle Paul shares this same idea again in IICorinthians 4:15- 17; reminding the believer of God’s abundant grace and the glory of God that is revealed when we lean upon Him in our distress. He goes so far as to call our afflictions, “light” and “for the moment”. And encourages us to focus on the renewal of the inward man that takes place as the outward man perishes.

St. John 3:18 teaches that the one who believes in/on Jesus is not condemned. Essentially that is repeated in Romans 8:1, 2. The Apostle Paul says that we are of the Spirit and the law of the Spirit is LIFE in Christ Jesus. And that the law of the Spirit has freed us from the law of sin & death.

Often, we recall that this world is under the curse of death due to Eve & Adam’s sin. It is that curse that means sickness & death are inevitable. The body that houses our spirit, belongs to the earth and is subject to that curse. Yet the spirit belongs to God and is renewed as we remain in relationship with Christ.

The devil will try every kind of way to discourage us and cause us to doubt our relationship with Jesus, our faith in Him, and our belief in the Word of God. Even our own minds will question why an illness has come upon us or why our prayers remain unanswered. That is simply the weakness of our human flesh. However, we must shake off those thoughts and recall the scriptures that reveal our spirit identity and the benefits we possess because of the grace that has been lavished upon us by our Savior. The first two chapters of Ephesians remind us just how much He loves us and how great His plan is for us.

I can’t begin to know why some folks are healed and some are not. There are many more scriptures about people being healed than those that were not. But I do recall that the Apostle Paul instructed Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach’s sake. In other words, he said, “Timothy, take some medicine”. I’m not good at depending on doctors/medicine. Yet, I have to remind myself that it is God that has given them the ability to learn about & properly dispense the remedies. Then I pray for them to use wisdom with their knowledge as they prescribe treatment.

Dear readers, please know that you are in my prayers. I am agreeing with the Word, III John 1:2, “….that you prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers”. Praying for your inner man to be strengthened and empowered as you trust in His all-sufficient grace. Praying that your spirit be stirred to hear the tiniest whisper of the Holy Ghost.

Personal Prayer Language

 

If you have been born again, then you have the Holy Spirit residing within you. That means you are eligible to receive the power that comes with being baptized in the Holy Spirit. When you experience that baptism, there will be evidence of it. You will speak in tongues as the Spirit gives the utterance. 

I pray for you to be FILLED with HIS WISDOM that must be applied to every part of your life/existence. I want you to think about one of the ways that He transfers/imparts that wisdom to man. It is through the prayer language that He has given to those who have been baptized in the Holy Ghost w/the evidence of speaking in tongues.

First Corinthians 14:14 speaks of our prayer language. The verse says that the mind is “unfruitful” when we are praying in tongues but our inner man/spirit is edified. For the mind to be unfruitful, simply means that it is NOT PRODUCING the content of the prayers. It does not mean that the mind cannot receive benefits. I believe that the mind benefits in an indirect manner, via the edified inner man/spirit.

Please stay with me here; recall Romans 8:26, 27 that teaches us the following principle: when we do not know how to pray (when our mind does not know how to pray), the Spirit makes intercession for us. And that intercession will always be “according to the will of God”. Again, I believe, this means the Spirit of God/the Holy Spirit within us, intercedes for our needs (those so close that we can’t begin to frame them into sentences). And, I believe that He intercedes for the needs of others on our behalf or in our place, as we yield to Him. For example: I am praying for you to receive His wisdom. That is a good prayer and wisdom is always a necessity. However, you may at that moment, actually be in need of a physical touch from the Great Physician. If I have you on my mind and begin to pray in my prayer language, the Holy Spirit will make the request to the Father for your physical healing.

Now consider John 14:26; the Holy Spirit will bring to your remembrance the things that the Father has spoken to you. He will bring to your MIND, the things He has spoken to you in both the reading of the Word of God and the revelation that He gave to you through the Holy Spirit. I believe this is part of the EDIFICATION that your inner man/spirit receives as you use your prayer language.

In short: I’m encouraging you, as a co-laborer in the Gospel to pray in the Spirit more than you ever have. It is in those conversations with the Father that you are EMPOWERED for the work of the ministry. And one more thing…. one of the best parts of our prayer language…. that ole devil has no idea what we are praying and what we are receiving. He can’t distort the requests nor the answers that are made as we converse in our prayer language. In other words; our prayers are encrypted and protected from unauthorized access.

Not This Year

This morning, I re-read my sister, Cindy's post, this post, entitled "Mama's Christmas Fudge".  It brought back bittersweet memories of our annual candy making day. Our mother died in August 2001.  Making candy that year, was difficult; yet my sisters and I turned out some very tasty treats. It was a tear filled day, but one that brought much comfort. Through the years, candy days have been filled with memories and laughter. Every December we have continued with the tradition; each year perfecting the craft, adding different flavors, & making more than the previous year. 

Our fudge has been the prized gift received by family & friends. But not this year......We tried; Cindy & I. We gathered the ingredients, the utensils, and cooking vessels. But I just couldn't bring myself to be in the kitchen, much less to try to make the sweet confections. My broken heart refused to make candy without my little sister. I resigned myself to the couch, with no consideration of Cindy's feelings. I closed my eyes, covered my head, tried not to even listen to the voices in the kitchen.

My nephew and his wife had come over to visit with Cindy. Since they were visiting and I was not, Cindy enlisted their help to make the fudge. They followed the recipes, they did everything that our notes had added to the process, everything smelled & looked great. But, the fudge did not "set" properly. It tasted fine, but was too soft to cut and place in separate containers. 

Cutting the fudge had always been my job, so I forced myself to try. It was just too soft. We tried putting it in the fridge for a while to see if that would help. Even tried the freezer. I managed to get a few pieces cut, but soon quit trying. It wasn't right. I wasn't right. It wasn't going to get right. I wasn't sure that I was going to get right, either.

Finally, I just couldn't handle my feelings any longer. I said my good byes and headed home. I later texted Cindy and apologized for my behavior. I admitted that I was sad. Her reply let me know that she too, was sad.

Grief has many facets and the duration of its effects varies from person to person. Some people never recover from its devastation. Sometimes I feel as though I have had enough grief for one lifetime. Yet, I know that as long as I am earth-bound, grief will be with me in one form or another. HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT JESUS IS WITH ME, REGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OR LEVEL OF GRIEF THAT I MAY EXPERIENCE.

It is in that "knowing" that I find COMFORT. So maybe the fudge didn't set this year.... it is not the end of my world. And so, my baby sister moved into her heavenly home.... I refuse to remain sad about that. For one day, (whether by the grave or the rapture), I WILL SEE HER AGAIN.

Found Within the Beam of God's Light

“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ Luke 15:8,9 NIV

Too many times, we focus on the loss rather than the opportunity for gain. What I mean is this, when we lose something of value, our first reaction is one of questioning. We question why it had to happen. We ask ourselves what could we have done to prevent the loss. We even interrogate God with the question, "why?".

This woman could have sat down and cried over losing the coin. She could have complained about how desperately she needed the coin. She even could have blamed others for the missing coin.

Instead, she grabbed a light and a broom and set about to find it. And she focused her search within the area in which she had it last.

In short, you will have to take action, (get into motion) in order to find it. If you have lost your joy, go back to where you last had it. If you have lost the desire to pray, go back to the time when you prayed the most. If you have lost your resolve to go forward ( your are going backwards), then go back to the altar where you first committed to serve the Lord.

And do all of this within the beam of God's light. WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, WILL NOT BE FOUND IN THE DARKNESS.

Be encouraged today....Many times what we gain is far superior to what we have lost. God will supply all that we need, with exactly what we need.

There's much more that I could say about this passage, but I'll save it for another day.

Let us press on in God as we enter the new year. He will supply whatever we need..... Ask and it will be given, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.... That's His promise to those who will simply BELIEVE.